Head or Heart? Finding Balance After Trauma

As trauma survivors, our emotions often feel chaotic and overwhelming. Anger, fear, sadness, and even happiness can leave us feeling as though we've been turned upside down. In response, we frequently feel the need to choose between reason and emotion—head or heart.

Choosing Reason: Control and Order

Those who choose reason may adopt a strategy of control through order, busyness, and avoidance. By keeping ourselves constantly occupied or adhering strictly to routines, we attempt to ward off emotions that threaten to swallow us whole. Over time, ignoring emotions—whether they be our own or those of others—leads to a sense of numbness or disconnection from ourselves and those around us. This leaves us feeling isolated and unfulfilled despite our outward appearance of stability or success. Worse yet, we often live in a constant state of anxiety, fearing that one day our control will slip and everything will fall apart.

Choosing Emotion: The Volatile Ride

On the other hand, some trauma survivors feel powerless in the face of their emotions. They may find themselves caught in cycles of intense highs and lows, where emotional responses seem to dictate their thoughts and actions. This volatility makes it difficult to maintain relationships, habits, and goals, as their emotions send them in different directions each day.

Finding the Middle Ground: Healing and Balance

Neither extreme—whether it's strict control through order and avoidance, or the tumultuous ride of emotional highs and lows—truly satisfies our deeper needs as human beings. Healing involves finding a middle ground where we can acknowledge, accept, and consider our emotions (and those of the ones we love) without being overwhelmed or controlled by them.

Embracing Both Head and Heart

To find this balance, we need to develop emotional resilience. This means learning to face our emotions with curiosity and compassion rather than fear and avoidance. Mindfulness practices, therapy, and support groups can be incredibly beneficial in this process. They help us create a space where we can observe our emotions without being swept away by them, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Building Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is the first step toward balance. By naming and understanding our emotions, we can begin to see patterns in how they influence our thoughts and behaviors. Journaling, meditation, and talking with trusted friends or therapists can help us gain insight into our emotional landscape.

Setting Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is also crucial. This includes not only physical and time boundaries but also emotional boundaries. Learning to say no, to prioritize self-care, and to protect our emotional well-being allows us to engage with our emotions without being consumed by them.

Validation

Recognizing and validating our emotions is essential. By acknowledging that our feelings are real and important, we give ourselves permission to experience and process them. This validation helps reduce the internal conflict between head and heart, fostering a sense of inner harmony.

Creating a Supportive Environment

Surrounding ourselves with supportive people who understand our journey is vital. Whether it's friends, family, or a support group, having a network that offers empathy and encouragement can make a significant difference in our healing process.

Conclusion: A Journey of Healing

Finding balance between head and heart is an ongoing journey. It requires patience, practice, and self-compassion. By embracing both our rational mind and our emotional self, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and fulfillment. As trauma survivors, we deserve to live lives that are not just about survival but about thriving, where we can experience the full spectrum of our emotions without fear.

Remember, healing is not about choosing head over heart or vice versa; it's about integrating both to create a harmonious and fulfilling life.